So it was, on the day after Christmas, just shy of sunset, as the clock chimed four that my sister closed her eyes for the very last time and breathed her last breath. Dottie’s journey was over and she was home at last with a chorus of angels who had been beckoning her to come.
For as long as I can remember, Dottie and I have been part of a duet, coined “PenDot” by our cousin Ted. As different, and as alike, as two sisters can be, we shared, above all else, a love of family and a treasure trove of stories and reminisces which we told and retold, not only with each other, but, with family and friends who helped care for her and who visited her this past year. I cannot speak highly enough or be more grateful for the family, friends and hospice nurses who helped care for Dottie, and especially of her husband, Rick.
A friend remarked that when we lose our siblings we lose our past. Her words hit home with me. It is that shared past that is silenced. There is now no one left who can call and say “I’m making Ma’s meatloaf” and leave me tasting the words, nor is there that one sister who can ask if I remember the seventh verse in the Our Father – in Greek – and thus begin an hour- long discussion of learning it in Greek school when we were very young girls.
My heart is heavy and my soul so sad, even as I count among my blessings the privilege of helping to care for Dottie during her battle with pancreatic cancer and of being present as she lifted her eyes toward the heavenly angels calling her home.
A very special thank you to my Katy, who made the special montage of PenDot for me – a sweet gift to ease my sorrow.
Penny, I feel very honored to be able to read about your memories with your sister Dottie. I like to think that she is now with that wonderful family you’ve written so much about. I’m truly sorry for your loss and wish you the strength you need to move forward.
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Thank you so much for your kind words, Janet, and I agree – she is with all of them now, at peace now and free from the suffering and pain she endured.
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Oh Penny, I can only imagine how difficult yet how healing this has been to write. I know your loss cannot be measured. She has gone to heaven where there is no horrible cancer or pain. She has joined those who have gone before, and is feeling the joy and peace that we all long for. I hope you found comfort in writing of her passing. Sometimes feelings are easier to express in writing. Love you and I impressed with your eloquent aND heartfelt words.
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Oh Penny, I can only imagine how difficult yet how healing this has been to write. I know your loss cannot be measured. She has gone to heaven where there is no horrible cancer or pain. She has joined those who have gone before, and is feeling the joy and peace that we all long for. I hope you found comfort in writing of her passing. Sometimes feelings are easier to express in writing. Love you and I impressed with your eloquent aND heartfelt words.
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Writing this did help me, Janet. There have been some tears in the process and much sadness, but, it helps to “talk” about Dottie’s passing. She suffered and was in so much pain. It is a relief to know she is at peace now and she passed peacefully. Love you too, my dear friend. Thank you.
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Your love for your sister is evident in these words. My heartfelt prayers are with you and your family, Penny.
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I appreciate your prayers and kind words, Jill. Thank you.
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We are so sorry for your loss! It’s hard but keep the strength for Dottie; she would want you to.
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Thank you so very much much. Yes. I will keep up my strength.
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Sending prayers
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They are most appreciated. Thank you so much.
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I really do not have the words…… there are none that can make it better. Your beautiful words show your strength and the love that you shared with your beautiful sister. So, so sorry, so sad, but hoping that that love and the love of your friends and family will make it he pain more bearable. Jxxx
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Oh, Janice, your taking the time to read and comment do much to ease my sadness and is appreciated. Thank you. She is free from suffering now, and that brings me solace.
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Penny, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I will never forget being with my best friend Tina fourteen years ago when she breathed her last. Also my parents. As you say, it is a privilege to be there with them as they pass. You also struck a note with me about how I felt after my Mom passed away five years ago. When that happened, there was no one I could call with the latest news of my children. I didn’t realize how much I had taken her for granted. I wish peace and healing for you. Take care of yourself and don’t expect too much of yourself as you grieve. Sending you a virtual hug.
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I can feel your virtual hug, Sue, and I appreciate your words which came as gifts to me as I read and re-read them. It is amazing, isn’t it, that realization of how much we rely on loved ones, even if just for an instance of thought – I should tell Mom or Dottie or whomever this or that. I am taking time to do some things that were put “on hold” during my sister’s illness, but, I am also taking time to be still in my grief. Thank you, Sue.
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. Having lost my brother some years ago, I know all too well the absence of a shared past. I will never stop missing him teasing me, the special nicknames only he could use and our mutual memories of growing up in Maywood. With tears in my eyes, I can truly say that it does get easier to have those thoughts and the memories will eventually bring you comfort mixed with the sense of loss.
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Ah, yes! That “absence of a shared past”. I look forward to the times my own memories, especially those of growing up in Maywood, come with fewer tears. During Dottie’s long illness, we spent many-a-moment remembering our childhood. Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for your kind comments.
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My sincere condolences, Penny. I was an only child. I’ve known my best friend since we were both ten and that’s 55 years ago now and she’s the closest thing to a sister I’ve got. Keeping you and yours in my prayers.
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I thank you, sincerely, for your kindness and your prayers. Sisters come to us in ways both through bloodlines and through long, close relationships. Your “sister” and you share many moments and probably secrets.:) I wish you many more years to add on to your close and special relationship.
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This is so beautifully written. My heart is with you, Penny.
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Thank you, Nan. I appreciate your words and your heart.
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You have been close to my heart since I heard the news. Dottie would appreciate this loving, eloquent tribute. xoxo
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Thank you, Andra, and please know that you and your family, especially your Dad, have been in my thoughts and my prayers. Love to you and MTM.
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Reading this post about your sister my heart aches for you. Having one of my remaining sisters go to her heavenly reward this past March I know your sorrow. We will both cherish the memories of our loved ones.
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Oh, dear Joyce, I am sorry to hear of your sister’s passing last March. While we both know the sorrow will always be there, it is a blessing to have memories to hold close. Thank you for commenting.
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What sweet photos, Penny. I am so glad you had the experience of being with your dear sister as she left the pain behind and joined the heavenly chorus. What a treasure in friendship you shared with Dottie, and to have lost that one specific family link is indeed a significant loss, and I’m so sorry. PenDot is a lovely duet and I do believe your very special sisterly bond will continue to grow even sweeter. Sending you a warm hug, my friend.
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I’m sitting here feeling that warm hug, Debra, and appreciating your kind and sensitive words. Hard as it was, her leaving this earthly place was a blessing for she was suffering so. I was blessed to be there. Thank you, my friend, and thank you as well for your recent post. You’ve helped me in many ways. 🙂
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You wrote a beautifully profound tribute to your sister. I’m so sorry for your loss.
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Thank you so very much for your kind words. The heartache of missing her is still very raw, but, oh the memories . . .
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Oh Penny. I am so sorry for your loss. I wondered what was going on. Now I know. Definitely praying for your family. Thank you for the courage you showed by writing this post, as difficult as it had to be. All of us who read your blog love you.
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You are so very sweet and kind, L. Marie. Thank you, thank you. Writing this helps me process/deal with my sadness and knowing I have such wonderful friends here on this blog is such a comfort and gift. This was such a long journey and Dottie suffered terribly. She is at peace now.
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Lovely,you have reminded me to treasure my brothers.
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I am sure you do treasure them, Vickie – and they, you. Thank you for your kind words and for your many years of friendship.
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Penny, my sincere and heartfelt condolences to you and a loving virtual hug. Your sister will continue to live in your heart and memories. Take good care of you in this difficult time.
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Thank you, dear Gerlinde. I can feel that hug. 🙂 Yes, she will always be with me. I am taking the time I need and writing helps me work through all of this – and I sleep a lot!
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Such a beautiful tribute to your beloved sister, Penny. Being blessed with sisters myself and knowing how much I value sharing memories with them, my heart goes out to you in your loss, not only of your sister but of this shared past. I hope and pray that as the first pain of grief subsides you will find comfort and healing in remembering Dottie and the love that still binds you both. xx
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Thank you, Kathy. Your prayers for comfort and healing do bring comfort to me and will continue to do so as the days pass by. Dottie suffered so much through this, but, she passed peacefully and I take solace in knowing she is free of pain.
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Dear Penny, I believe that in that mysterious and freeing moment of death we truly become One with those we love deeply and graciously and everlastingly. You were One in life–and Katy’s montage says that so beautifully–and now you are One in death. All the memories of your life together are gathered into a wholeness that proclaims, “Well done.”
I trust that those memories will comfort you. I have thought about the time when my sibling will die–possibly before me–and known that it will be then that there will be no one who will remember our growing up and who we were when we were little and then young and then older and then out into the wide, wide world.
May you let go of your grief as the days and weeks and months and years pass. May it become part of the Oneness you share with Dottie. You grieve her; she, with the angels, grieves you and both of you meet in Oneness. Peace.
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“Well done.” What a beautiful way to hold our memories. Thank you, Dee.
I do find comfort in my memories and am grateful for the time we had, along with relatives and friends, to relive so many moments. I always thought I would be the first one to die, but, life took its own turn and Dottie was taken first. I am fortunate, however, to have such strong memories and cousins to share them with, as we grew up side-by-side.
Thank you. I will look toward that Oneness and being together again some day. Best to you, Dee. You are always such a comfort to me.
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Penny, I am so sorry. This is a beautiful tribute to your sister and your special bond …(and comforting words for others of us who have lost siblings). The collage your daughter made is a forever treasure. Wonderful memories — so important to be reminded of them …. now and always.
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What kind and generous things to say, Sallie. Thank you for them. It is nice to know my own words may help others. We all know grief and loss at some point.While this was difficult to write about, writing has helped me as deal with this loss. I was so touched when Katy sent me the collage and will treasure this, indeed. I hope all is well with you and look forward to checking your blog in the next few days.
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penny, my heart breaks for you and your family. you have always written of your love for your sister in such a beautiful way, this is the best. I have broken my arm and not able to write well but please know you are in my prayers. I will be back.later.
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Dear Marilyn, I appreciate your effort to write such a kind comment here, especially with a broken arm. I’m sorry to learn that you’ve injured it and hope for a good recovery. It has been a rough time and now a sad time, but, I’m fortunate in that I have so many memories. Thank you, Marilyn.
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Oh how heartbreaking yet truly wonderful that you were with her until the end. And exquisite to share so much with a beloved sister for so long – you two were blessed with this I think. Not all of us have this blessing. I love the idea of her raising her eyes to the angels before she closed her eyes and joined them. How uplifting for all who have struggled so. It will be rough for a while and this must simply be embraced or endured depending on how you are feeling each day. Good luck darling girl – and well done writing it down. I will pop back in to check on you soon.. c
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Cecilia, your words are so kind and so comforting to me on this cold, bleak wintry morning that is temporarily mirroring my sorrow. I was, indeed, blessed to be with Dottie through this journey and until the very end. Her suffering was horrible but her passing peaceful. Your are right; the sorrow will be embraced and endured. I know that joy will return and with that joy sweet memories. Writing helps and hope to be back to doing more soon. Thank you, dear C! Thank you.
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With tears in my eyes, I just read your beautiful tribute to Dottie. I am so very sorry, dear Penny. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will be able to share more stories and memories of two very special sisters here on your blog. When the time feels right, writing in celebration of Dottie, who helped make this world a brighter and better place, might feel very healing. You have so many wonderful memories of growing up together. Dottie will always be missed… and forever loved. Sending my heartfelt sympathy and wrapping my arms around you during this difficult time.
With my love, sweet friend. ♡
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Thank you, Dawn; your kind words and encouragement are much appreciated. I am sure “Dottie” stories will arise out of the sadness and there are more than a few already archived here on the cutoff. While this has been an extremely difficult journey, it has also afforded many of us time, as family and friends, to share so many memories, some memories with very different points of view, as we cared for her in her illness.
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Huge hugs, Penny.💕In time, may the sweetest memories bring you comfort.
Sending my love…
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Dear Penny, I’ve only just caught up with the post. Oh how very sad to lose your sister, after all these years together, and all the memories that you have held in common.
You write so tenderly about her last breath, and the time of her passing. Your love for Dottie is so tangible. I’m sending you much love in this time of grief.
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Your words are so kind, Juliet, and most appreciated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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